JHM-SCOTLAND :

Why do some women live with domestic Violence & abuse?

Are you wondering why some women live with domestic violence/abuse?
Please feel free to contact us on 0800 093 4451 if you need support.


Why do some woman remain stuck in domestic violence?
The truth is there are so many prevailing factors in the matter:

Some people ask, why doesn’t she leave?
Why doesn't she just ask for help and run for her life?
Whats is holding her down?
Has she lost her mind?
Has she not had enough of the abuse and violence?
Does she want to wait there until she is finally killed or die?
Does she not know her children are suffering?
Whats is wrong with her?
And so on and so forth....

The truth is that women are affected by domestic violence on average 35 times* before seeking help.
The golden question is What keeps them in these abusive relationships?

HERE ARE SOME OF THE ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS:
LOVE: They still love the abuser or naively believe he will change.
FEAR FOR THEIR CHILDREN: They fear that their children will be hurt, or taken away or suffer much more.
FEAR OF HOMELESSNESS: They fear that they and there children will be made homeless.
FEAR OF THE ABUSER: They are so afraid of the abuser that they cannot ask for help or leave, for fear of worse violence or death.
FEAR OF DISBELIEF: They fear that they will not be believed, especially if there are no physical injuries.
SHAME: They feel a failure with a constant sense of guilt and/or shame.
FEAR OF BLAME: They fear no-one else has experienced this and that they will be told it is their fault.
PERCEPTION: They do not recognise the situation as domestic violence or abuse, especially if their partner says ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again’.
DEPRESSION: They might be suffering chronic post-traumatic stress and be unable to make critical decisions.
FEAR OF DESTITUTION: They’re financially dependent on their abuser, with no access to their own money, and no knowledge of any benefits they may be entitled to.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM: They’re convinced by their abuser that they are worthless and no-one else will care for them.
STABILITY: They believe that it is preferable for them to suffer domestic violence than for their children to experience the loss of a parent,home, stability and friends.
WRONG BELIEF: They wrongly believe they are not good enough and they deserve the abuse.
Many women are taught that their identity and worth are contingent upon getting and keeping a man.
SELF BLAME: They wrongly believe they are not good enough and they deserve the abuse.
OWN IDEAS: Many women believe that a single parent family is unacceptable, and that even a violent father is better than no father at all.
IDEOLOGY: Many women are socialized to believe that they are responsible for making their marriage work. Failure to maintain the marriage equals failure as a woman.
LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF SUPPORT SERVICES: They don’t know that domestic violence charities exists, and are there to support them and their children.

Please remember!: Asking “Why doesn’t she just leave?” can be experienced as blaming her, which is unhelpful, hurtful and unsupportive. This response can also stop her from telling anyone else about the abuse. Victim-blaming is a very common phenomenon in VAWG offences (violence against women and girls), and takes away the responsibility from where it rightfully belongs: with the perpetrator.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:
  • If you or anybody you know is in an abusive relationship, please get help today!
  • If you are in fear for your life or in imminent danger call the police right away!
  • WARNING: Domestic Violence is a serious crime - It is against the law! Call 999
  • The police will speak to you separately from your partner / ex-partner.
  • Their first priority is the safety of you and any children.

We provide practical, sensible and counselling support to victims. We do our best to direct them in the right direction for getting

  • Signs of Abuse are:
  • Being pushed or shoved you,
  • Held you to keep you from leaving,
  • Slapped or beat you repeatedly,
  • Kicked, choked, hit, or punched you,
  • Knocked you about the house,
  • Pulled you by your hair and shoving you violently,
  • Locked you out of the house,
  • Tormented you day and night,
  • Deprived you of sleep,
  • Ripped your clothes or used scissors to cut your garments,
  • Abandoned you in a dangerous place,
  • Refused to help you when you were sick, injured, or pregnant,
  • Subjected you to reckless driving,
  • Forced you off the road or kept you from driving,
  • Threatened to beat you or slap you hard,
  • Threatened or hurt you with a weapon,
  • Threatened to kill you,
  • Threatened to flog you or teach you a lesson,
  • Throwing objects or projectiles at you,
  • Cut you off from your friends and family,
  • Left you covered in bruises from being assaulted,
  • Stabbed or threathened to stab you,
  • Made you afraid for your life,

  • FACTS:

  • On average 2 women per week die at the hands of their partner in domestic abuse situations.
  • Between 2009 and 2015, 936 women were killed by men. Of these, 598 (64%) were killed by their current or former partners and 75 (8%) by their sons.
  • Domestic violence or abuse is not love. It is a crime! Flee from it as soon as possible!

SIGNS OF SEXUAL ABUSE
  • Demanding sex on tap,
  • Forced you to have unwanted sex with him/others
  • Forced you to watch others or watch pronography against your will,
  • Forced particular unwanted sexual acts on you,
  • Forced sex after beating,
  • Forced sex when you were sick or it was dangerous to your health,
  • Forced sex for the purpose of hurting you with objects or weapons,
  • Committed sadistic sexual act or forcefully sodomised you,
  • Made you perform humiliating sexual act,
  • Treated women as sex objects,
  • Publicly showed sexual interest in other people,
  • Had affairs with others after agreeing to a monogamous relationship,
  • Been jealously angry, assuming you would have sex with another,
  • Insisted you dress in a more sexually provocative way than you wanted,
  • Minimized the importance of your feelings about sex,
  • Criticized your sexuality,
  • Insisted on unwanted and uncomfortable touching,
  • Raped you once or repeatedly,
  • Withheld sex or affection from you,
  • Called you derogatory sexual names like "whore" or "frigid" or "bitch", etc,
  • Maliciously circulating nude/compromising photos of you online.