JHM-SCOTLAND :

Life After Abuse?

Women caught up in domestic violence often think/feels that life is over.

The truth is, there is life after domestic violence. It ends! You will rise again! The trials always finish.


Yes, there is life after domestic abuse!
Millions of women have survived it all over the world and started life afresh:

Some of the questions victms have are these?
1. Will I survive this nightmare?
2. Can I ever be free again in this world?
3. Will my abuser ever leave me alone?
4. Can I ever escape from him and be able to survive alone?
5. Will I ever be loved by anyone else after this?
6. Can I ever wash away all the shame, discgarece and rejection?
7. Will I ever walk with my head high again in this worldr?
8. Can I survive without him?
9. Will my children ever survive the trauma and recover at all?
10. Will my children ever be happy again?
11. Will I ever be happy again?
12. Does God even love me despite all my brokenness?
13. Will anyone else ever love me again?


HERE ARE SOME OF THE ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS:
SURVIVAL: Yes, there is life after domestic violence & abuse. Millions of women have survived it.
FREEDOM: Yes, you can be free again. It is God's greatest desire for you to be set free.
PERMANENT ESCAPE?: Yes, there is a future where he will have no power over you. He is not God! You can and will be free from him. Refuse to be defeated or remain scared of him all your life.
INDEPENDENCE: Yes, you can become financially independednt in due course. You will rise above his financial control. You can get help to get a job, restart /refresh or restructure your finances.
LOVING AGAIN:Yes, you can and will love and be loved again if you so wish. Many women have found new love in life again. There is always hope.
SHAME: You will move on. You can regain your dignity outside of his control. A violent marriage/relationship is a permanent trap from which you can escape and begin again. Remember: You were the victim! You should not be ashamed. Your abuser should be the one ashamed.
DIGNITY:Yes, you can and you will regain your dignity again.
SURVIVING WITHOUT HIM:Yes, absoultely you can and will survive again.
CHILDREN: Your children can and will recover. Millions of children have recovered.
CHILDREN HAPPINESS: Children are resilient. They have the God given ability to adapt, adjust and recover. Get them couselling help. They will be fine. Entrust them to the Lord.
GOD: God loves you! You are His beloved daughter. He will never leave you nor forsake you! He said so in Joshua 1v5


PLEASE REMEMBER:
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. God wants you to know that you are precious in His eyes.
[See Isaiah 43v4]

It is very essential that you take the following steps:

  • Find and gain access to practical, sensible and counselling support to victims.
  • Find access to counselling for you & your children.
  • Surround yourself with new friends and get closer to people who will support you.
  • You may need to rebuild relationships with your children, to get over the fear and control you have all experienced. Children and young people who have been in similar situations to yours, say that what they want is to be able to talk when they want to talk, to be given information about what is happening and to be consulted. Sometimes, they will hold back on talking about what has happened because they don’t want to upset you.
  • Take time to do things together and create a safe environment for this to happen. Simple things like exploring local walks, a picnic on the back lawn, football in the park will give you all a chance to be together, to tell them what is happening , to ask for their ideas and let them talk, if they want to, about their feelings and experiences.
  • Listen: Many people who have been through domestic violence and abuse want to know how they can change the abusive behaviour. The short answer is – you can’t. We can each of us only control our own behaviour and only the abuser can stop the abuse.
  • You are the person who knows what has happened and what an abuser has done to you. Many people will give you advice, but you are the expert in this, you know the situation better than anyone else so it’s your decision about what is best for you (and your children). It is your right to live in peace, in freedom and without fear. It could be a long journey, be patient with yourself and you will create your new life.
  • These tips have been drawn from the experiences of other people recovering from abuse. Hopefully they have given you some ideas which you can use to help you. But there are many other sources of help and support around, whoever you are and whatever your situation and a few of them have been listed in a separate information sheet on this website, as well as books and other resources which may be useful. One important tip is to seek support from people and organisations that understand domestic violence and abuse – others, such as solicitors, counsellors, immigration advisers, work much better if they have had specialist training. The domestic violence and abuse organisations can often give you contact details of such specialists.
  • You’ve escaped from being controlled, but your abuser may still try to control you once you have left. They know you very well and the buttons to press to upset or frighten you. That’s a challenge, but one that you can deal with because you are changing and becoming stronger and more independent. Put your safety and that of your children first. If you write things down, keep it somewhere safe where an abuser/controller won’t find it. Think of who you can trust and be careful who you tell about what you are planning to do to be safe. You can have good friendships and relationships with the people who love you, even if you don’t tell them everything. Change your mobile number if you’re getting harassed and perhaps change the way you access social media.
  • Remember that it is never acceptable for you to be abused verbally or physically. Keep a note of any incidents that are frightening or intimidating, with dates and times. If there are any independent witnesses, make a note of their names if possible. Tell the police and ask to be referred to the Domestic Violence Unit. If things kick off suddenly, phone 999. Remember, the law and right-thinking people want to help and protect you – you don’t have to do this on your own.
  • Info Sources:http://www.singleparents.org.uk/information/abuse-violence/tips-life-after-violence-abuse

We also support women in destitution, orphans, abandoned children, widows and orphans. We have our orphanages in India & Kenya.

PLEASE REMEMBER:
We do our best at JHM to direct them in the right direction for getting more help including getting help from the Police, escaping violence, social services support, prayer support and temporary shelter support. Our website provides a wealth of information which assist victims in gaining more understanding about the evil of domestic abuse, sexual abuse & exploitation, teenage domestic abuse & violence and we provide additional campaign resources such as leaflets, posters and general public awareness resources.
  • You can call our JHM Helpline on :0 800 093 4451
  • You can also call the National Helpline on:0 808 2000 247
  • There will be times when you feel you’re fighting a losing battle and it just all seems too much to cope with. Times when you’ve held it together all day and now just want to fall apart. This is where your support network can be vital. If you can phone a friend or family member just for a chat, that may be enough. Or the Domestic Violence and abuse Helplines are always available.
    Please note that: The lines can be very busy in the daytime but persist. Someone is waiting to assist you.
  • Beware: The pressure of coping alone with domestic violence and abuse is enormous and has the unfortunate tendency to drive people over the edge into bad habits, unhelpful coping behaviours and dependencies which can be more harmful or injurious to you and to your health, therefore:

  • Resist/overcome the urge to self-harm or hurting yourself as a method of coping with the stuation.
  • Suicide or suicidal thoughts are not the answer.
  • If feeling suicidal, get help immediately! Call 999 now!
  • Do not turn to alcohol, cigarettes, marijuanna or other hard drugs!
  • Totally avoid the use of drugs as a coping mechanism. It is dangerous for you to do that to yourself.
  • Avoid/resist the thought of having flings, affairs or extra-marital sex outside as a coping mechanism.
    It complicates matters and leaves you more vulnerable and may hurt & degrade you more.
  • Avoid using food as a coping tool, either by undeer eating, over eating or not ating at all. This is not a healthy option.
  • Resist the sense of hopelessnes and despair that makes you want to crawl back to your abuser.
  • See your pastor/vicar or minister to get prayer support or connect with prayer groups in church or online.
  • Resist the urge to isolate yourself from the world believing it is better to be alone.
  • Find and develop postive ways to express your inner anger, rage and anguish. Don't bottle them up. It is unhealthy to do so.
  • Discipline yourself by cutting off all contacts with your abuser! If not the nightmare will never end. Get real! Get stronger day by day!
  • Avoid beating yourself down or knocking yourself.
  • You are a survivor & it is time to rise from the ashes!
  • You can do it!
  • Fact: God LOVES you and He will never leave you nor forsake you!
    Fact: You are precious in God's sight & He loves you - Isaiah 43v4:

    Know the following Biblical truths & facts with certainty & assurance in Christ:
    1. Jesus LOVES YOU! and He died on the cross for you because you are precious!
    2. Remember: He who watches over you neither sleeps nor slumbers.
    3. Trust in God to stand for you against your abusers & tormentors.
    4. God wants you to experience wellness & healing.
    5. God does not want you to continue living in your past!
    6. When God loves you no-one else has any power of contro over your life.
    7. Let go of bitterness, anger, rage and malice. They will only fester your wounds.
    8. Forive others and also forgive yourself - Then, RISE and move on in God.
    9. Believe God for your healing, restoration, wholeness abd fresh start - It will happen!
    10.Don't let the enemy keep you in bondage, pain and unending regrets - God is your redeemer!

    Here are some powerful scriptures to encourage & help you heal:
    1. God gave His son to die for you on the Cross: John 3v16.
    2. God's love guranateed: Isaiah 43v4.
    3. Triumph over your abuser/enemy: Micah 7v8.
    4. There is abundant life for you in Christ: John 10v10.
    5. God will strengthen you with His POWER: Ephesians 3v14-20!
    6. He will never leave you nor forsake you: Joshua 1v5b; Joshua 1v9.
    7. It is a new dawn for you, so RISE UP and shine: Isaiah 40v1-2
    8. It is a new dawn for you, and a brand new life too - So, seize it! Isaiah 60v1.
    9. You shall not die but LIVE-Amen! Psalm 118v17.

    Here are some useful teachings, sermons & books that can help uplift your spirit:
  • Facebook
  • Precious FM Radio
  • GodTube
  • High Praise
  • Vimeo
  • You Tube
  • Twitter
  • Precious Woman Series of books On Amazon