JHM-SCOTLAND :

Contemplating staying in domestic abuse?

Are you wondering if you should stay in the domestic violence?
There are few steps you need to take if you plan to remain in it.
Please feel free to contact us on 0800 093 4451 if you need assistance.
If you are in danger at any time please call the police!


Here are some steps you can take atthis point in your journey:
  • Action Options:
    1] *Pray and seek God for answers & direction & get practical answers on the direction to take which may include:
    2] Maybe remain in your home with the abuser?
    3] Maybe remain in your home but get the abuser to leave.
    4] Maybe leave home temporarilly?
    5] Maybe leave home permanently?
    6] Wondering if you should phone the Police for help.
    7] Take legal action.

  • If unsure you are ready to leave, you must keep in mind that:
    1] The abuse often gets worse. It may be possible for a partner to change, but he will require professional help.
    2] If your partner is blaming you or other factors for his or her behavior, your partner probably is not ready to change.
    3] You deserve to be safe and happy in life.
    4] Even if you are not ready to leave, you can still contact a domestic violence hotline or a local shelter for support, safety planning and help.
    5] People want to help you - let them help & assist you!
    6] Many services are available at no cost, including childcare, temporary housing, job training, and legal aid support.
    7] You need support, so reach out to people you trust!
    8] Speak to a lawyer/Solicitor/attorney for legal advise.
    9] Do your research by investigating the best way out!
    10] Speak in confidence to FREE domestic violence helpline staff.
    11] It is unhealthy to live in constant fear and in constant danger!

  • HERE ARE SOME REALITY CHECKS:
    If unsure you are ready to leave, keep in mind that:
    1] Abusers will not change unless they get professional help or seek counselling for their behavior.
    2] Your abuser saying sorry after the abuse does not mean he wil not do it ever again.
    3] You cannot love him unconditionally and delude yourself that your love will change him for good.
    4] Abusers have emotional, mental and psychological probolems that must be addressed. 5] There is a limit to how much physical, sexual and emotional abuse a human being can take.
    6] If you don't get help you may allow yourself to be killed or you may suffer irreversible harm.
    7] An average of two women die every wek atthe hands of a partner or an ex-partner.
    8] If in imminent danger - Call 999 for police assistance right away!

  • WHAT YOU CAN DO: You can seek help and get help today!
    If you or anybody you know is in an abusive relationship, please get help today!
    If you are in fear for your life or in imminent danger don't waste time, Dial 999 for police help right away!

  • AGAIN REMEMBER:
    • If you or anybody you know is in an abusive relationship, please get help today!
    • If you are in fear for your life or in imminent danger call the police right away!
    • WARNING: Domestic Violence is a serious crime - It is against the law! Call 999
    • The police will speak to you separately from your partner / ex-partner.
    • Their first priority is the safety of you and any children.
  • There are times when victims of abuse convince themselves that they should simply remain with the abuser, however;

    • Deciding to stay?
      If unsure you are ready to leave, you must keep in mind that:
      1] Abuse often gets worse.
      2] It may be possible for a partner to change, but it takes work and time.
      2] If your partner is blaming you or other factors for his or her behavior, your partner probably is not ready to change.
      3] You deserve to be safe and happy in life.
      4] Even if you are not ready to leave, you can still contact a domestic violence hotline or a local shelter for support, safety planning and help.
      5] People want to help. Many services are available at no cost, including childcare, temporary housing, job training, and legal aid support.
      6] You need support. Reach out to people you trust!
      7] Speak to a lawyer/Solicitor/attorney for legal advise.
      8] Do your research by investigating the best way out!
      9] Speak in confidence to FREE domestic violence helpline staff.
      10] Think about whether you would call the police if the violence starts again?
      11] Can you work out a signal with the children or the neighbors to call the police when you really need help?
      12] If you suddenly need to flee your home, know the escape routes in advance.
      13] What works best to keep you safe should an emergency arise?


    • If you plan staying, then:
      1] *Pray and seek God for answers & direction.
      2] Share your concerns with your health visitor, GP, work colleagues, family or a trusted friend.
      3] Listen to your instincts.
      4] If you need to flee your home, know the escape routes in advance.
      5] If you need to flee for a short time, where will you go? think through many places where you can go in a crisis.
      6] Do whatever it takes to stay safe.
      7] Don’t ignore the obvious – Know when to get away safely with your children.
      8] Play it safe – don’t threaten to leave.
      9] Be careful not to give away your safety plan to your abuser or anyone.
      10] Teach your children to memorise emergency telephone numbers!
      11] Have an escape plan in case the abuse turns more violent & yuou need to get away quickly.
      12] Get in touch & stay in touch with a refuge, shelter or women aid organisation for advise, just in case.
      13] Save threatening emails or voicemail messages. you can use them to take legal action in the future, if you choose.
      14] If you already have a restraining order, the messages can serve as evidence in court that the order was violated.
      15] If in imminent danger - Call 999 for police assistance right away!

    • REALITY FACTS:

    • On average 2 women per week die at the hands of their partner in domestic abuse situations.
    • Between 2009 and 2015, 936 women were killed by men.
    • Of these, 598 (64%) were killed by their current or former partners and 75 (8%) by their sons.
    • Domestic violence or abuse is not love. It is a crime!
    • Flee from domestic violence & abuse as soon as possible!
    • Domestic violence does not get better without counselling or help for the abuser

  • IF YOU PLAN TO LEAVE:
    1] *Pray and seek God for answers, direction & protection.
    2] Get in touch with a refuge, shelter or domestic violence organisation to help you.
    3] Have a change of clothes in place.
    4] Save money for bus, taxi or train,
    5] Pack your medications and your children's medication if any.
    6] Pack the original or photocopies of your birth certificates.
    7] Have your driver's License & a copy in a safe place.
    8] Pack your checkbook, passbook, credit cards and saved up cash.
    9] Don't let your behaviour give away your plan.
    10] Remain clear headed - make adequate back up plan.
    11] Avoid emotional outbursts! Don't upset yourself un-necessarily.
    12] Remain clear headed at all times.
    13] Notify the police, so that they are on alert to assist you.
    14] Speak to trusted friend(s) who can support your escape plan.
    15] Pack Clothing and comfort items for you and your children.
    16] Expect the abuser to be enraged at your leaving him, so be mentally prepared to handle whatever comes.
    17] Get a new SIM card and change your phone number, so he cannot call you or harass you either.
    18] Get your children ready to run with you at a moments notice.
    19] The most important thing is your safety and that of your children.
    20] If employed, let your employer be aware of your plight and have them onboard to assist you if required.
    21] Don't hide domestic abuse. Don't be ashamed! Your abuser is the one that should be ashamed!
    22] If you are unable to remove any or some of your property, simply leave without them & get to a safe place!
    23] It is your safety that matters most.
    24] Don't go to predictable places where he knows you may be at. Know that he will try to find you.
    25] If in imminent danger - Call 999 for police assistance right away!

  • REALITY FACTS:
  • On average 2 women per week die at the hands of their partner in domestic abuse situations.
  • Between 2009 and 2015, 936 women were killed by men.
  • Of these, 598 (64%) were killed by their current or former partners and 75 (8%) by their sons.
  • Domestic violence or abuse is not love. It is a crime!
  • Flee from domestic violence & abuse as soon as possible!
  • Domestic violence does not get better without counselling or help for the abuser